One Day at a Time

Some ugly overeating demons have reared their ugly heads lately.

 

Maybe it’s stress.

Maybe it’s hormones.

Maybe it’s anxiety.

Maybe it’s guilt.

Maybe it’s boredom.

 

Maybe I don’t know why.  But I wish it would stop.

 

For the past week I’ve really struggled, and each day that doesn’t work out as planned compounds the day before and makes me feel worse and worse.

 

When I’m not in this binge-shame-repeat cycle, I feel so far from it, and wonder how I could ever be sucked back in.

 

But when I am back in the cycle, I wonder if I’ll ever get out.

 

Here’s hoping…..one day at a time.

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Reading Between the Lines

Yesterday when reading one of the two issues of Runner’s World I received in the mail, I felt an overwhelming sense of insecurity.

 

I guess I expected the articles to talk to "me" more, but I felt like they were talking to my cooler, faster, more experienced runner friend.

 

As I read some of your comments and reflected on my reaction to the magazine, I realized that there was more to those feelings then  I recognized at first.

I was actually doubting myself and my abilities as a runner. I compared myself with runners in the magazine and began to question my commitment to the sport. 

 

I had a junior high moment where I began to feel that I couldn’t "fit in" with the Runner’s World reader.

WHY did I do this?

 

I think I’ve been fighting these emotions throughout my entire journey to becoming a runner. I wondered if I would give up on myself, if I would fail at this, and if my new healthy attitude and lifestyle would diminish.

 

After my reflection yesterday I realized that I need to be a bigger cheerleader for myself. I need to give myself more credit and feel proud of the accomplishments I’ve made as a runner.

 

I must tell the voice in my head to stop telling me that I’m not fast enough or dedicated enough.

 

This morning I’m happy to say that as I sit here reading another issue of Runner’s World I’ve let down my walls of insecurity and started to see articles and tips that speak to ME.

Yes ME, the dedicated runner who was out yesterday running 8 miles in 30 degree weather to train for her second half marathon in 4 months.

 

 

Are you your biggest cheerleader?

Do you ever find yourself doubting your abilities?

What do you do to stop that?

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Rest

This morning I set my alarm for 6:30am and had every intention of running with my running group.

However, after a night full of sniffling, sneezing,and coughing, I decided to reset the alarm and get some more rest.

 

I should have known I was run down considering that I fell asleep at 9:30 pm last night with no problem. But in my mind I still thought that an 8 to 10 mile run would be feasible.

 

I wondered, should I "Push Through"?

While I hate letting myself down, I knew today needed to be a rest day. I woke up at 9am and felt so much better.

Sometimes I feel guilty about missing a planned workout. Do you?

How do you get out of the habit of feeling bad about it?

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Voluminous Veggies and a Side of Perspective

Today for lunch I knew exactly what I wanted. A huge portion of veggies.

 

Ok wait!!! Did anyone sort of roll your eyes at the statement above? Did it signal some red flags with you?

source

I get that. Sometimes when people say that all they want is veggies, it might mean that they are struggling with restricting food.

I know that when I was battling my ED I would only ever eat at the salad bar in the dining hall. Anything other than salad (veggies) was considered “bad”.

So I’d now like to address a few things that might have run through your head when I made the loaded statement to start of this post.

 

“What? All she wanted to eat was veggies? What about protein and fat?” – Well I didn’t end up only eating veggies, but yes, mainly. My craving was sort of along the lines of when people say they are craving a salad, but I don’t really like salad that much. I used to think that I could only find satiety in fats and proteins. This was back when I was monitoring every carb that crossed my lips. Now I find that a variety of foods keep fill me up and make me feel energetic.

 

“She’s full of shit, no one really only wants to eat veggies.” – Sometimes, people do. Certain vegetables, cooked in a flavorful way, such as roasting, really are comforting, filling, and an easy go-to meal. I actually do often eat vegetarian lunches. I crave protein more at dinner. And eggs w/breakfast are often on my menu.

 

“This is an obvious attempt to eat in mass quantity with few calories” – That is not completely false. Like I said before, I have been really hungry lately. So I am trying to eat more, but I’m also trying to maintain my weight so I am trying to make smart choices in which foods I eat in large quantities. There is nothing wrong with focusing on maintaining and losing weight if you are in a weight range where that makes sense. I am at the top of the BMI range for my height. I am healthy but even if I lost a few pounds in a slow and gradual manner, I would still be healthy and strong.

 

I think that sometimes in the blogosphere it is seen as a no-no to talk about weight loss. It is however acceptable to gush over treats and junk-foods and be proud of one-another for allowing such foods into their lives. And I agree with that as well! Allowing “bad”foods into your diet can be an important part of finding balance.

 

Basically what I’m saying is that we all have different goals and we are all on our own path to find balance, health, and a positive self image both inside and out. Since I’m putting my journey out there for all to see, I just wanted to clarify where I’m coming from.

 

So anyway, here is the plate of food I inhaled for lunch today

Roasted eggplant, carrots and brussels sprouts with some red quinoa. I also squeezed blaze all over the eggplant, and everything else too after the picture was taken.

 

It was delicious. It was healthy. It was mostly all vegetables. And I feel pretty darn good about it.

 

 

 

Thoughts on this?? Please share.

Also don’t forget you can ask me anonymous questions HERE. I’d like to do a future post where I answer them!

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Dirty Chili and a Jar of Juice

When I wrote my first post on this blog I told you that there were some things that I just wouldn’t do. Here’s #6 on that list.

 

6.) Create pretty meals even if it meant running late, eating too much, going insane

 

Tonight I will certainly be following through.

And now, without further ado, I present you:

Dirty chili

And a jar of juice

The chili was from the freezer, leftovers of my turkey chili recipe. You can find the recipe here.

 

When I reheated my chili, it splattered all over the bowl as it often does. As much as I wanted to clean it for you, I was just too tired. I plopped some greek yogurt on top, a splash of hot sauce, a few raw onions, and that was that.

The jar of juice was created earlier today when I needed a small bottle for water to bring on my run. I dumped out a little bottle of lite cranberry in the closest container I could grab (this mason jar). It was ice cold and ready for drinking with dinner.

 

Juice in a jar- has a ring to it, doesn’t it?

 

Was your dinner ugly or pretty?

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Reflections

Good morning!

Thanks to everyone for your support and encouragement on last night’s post. I have to admit, it’s not easy to be upfront about things like overeating, but I think that being open will help me, and hopefully help others.

After reflecting on last night- I think that there were a few things that led to what happened.

• Eating a dinner that probably was more of a side dish. The eggplant dish was awesome, but next time I will eat some more protein or serve this on top of some whole wheat pasta. (Why didn’t I think of that yesterday?)
• PMS
• Boredom (Joe was upstairs all night doing schoolwork and there was nothing on TV)
• Tiredness (I was running on only 5 hours of sleep yesterday, that’s NOT enough)

Today has been off to a great start. It’s rainy and humid out, so I skipped my run and hit the gym for a bootcamp class. It was great! I was doing laundry and was out of my fav workout tees so I ended up wearing a sleeveless top which I rarely do. During the class I was able to see my arm muscles flexing and working and it made me feel really STRONG!

Which way to to GUN SHOW? (or the sweaty armpit show?)

My thoughts throughout the class were SO POSITIVE! I just felt really great and I was my own biggest cheerleader. I also think the extra fuel from last night helped me to kick butt.

Life is so beautiful and each day has so many wonderful moments just waiting for us to experience. I refuse to let negative self-talk and guilt over food take away even one of those.

Have a beautiful day!

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Cereal, with a side of emotions

Its 8:30, its cold, it’s raining AGAIN. I’ve been up since 5:30am.

I came in the door and I had nothing planned for dinner.

Things were unfolding in the wrong direction.

If this were Food in Perfect Life and not Food in Real Life, I would show you a plate full of vegetables and grains and lean protein. I’d tell you that I was disciplined enough to cook it even when I was tired, drained, and cranky.

I’d tell you that I made the choice to do yoga or take a bath and not to turn to food when I got home.

 

But this is Food in Real Life, food in my life. And sometimes it isn’t all kittens and rainbows.

 
NOTE: Cereal is a healthy food, especially the ones in the photo above. However, this wasn’t the right choice for me. I ate this cereal out of emotion and not because it was what my body wanted or needed. Emotional eating is different for everyone. I am not a doctor or an eating disorders specialist. This post is my thoughts and opinions and not facts.

I’m honest because I want you to know you’re not alone out there. I’m still a work in progress. Challenges like this will arise and I won’t always make the right decision. I don’t feel better or any less cranky because I ate a huge bowl of cereal. I feel worse. And next time I will reflect on this experience. 

I will ask myself: How could I have handled this better? How can I make tomorrow a better day?

 

IT’S NOT ABOUT PERFECTION PEOPLE, IT’S ABOUT PROGRESS!!!

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