40 week (and 6 day) Pregnancy Update

When all is said and done, it really doesn’t seem like that long ago that I made the announcement that I was pregnant and now here I am writing my final pregnancy update.

 

While there were certainly times where I felt like I’d been pregnant forever, most of the journey flew by. Lately I feel like time just slips between my fingers and my biggest goal is to live each day and cherish every moment. When I talk to new moms and mom blogs, what they say most often is how fast the time goes. It actually scares me a bit, but I hope that I can use this knowledge to my advantage in trying to enjoy each moment.

 

I guess that’s why I’ve said many times that I am not in a hurry to rush my baby to come out. I wanted to savor these last few days as a mom-to-be and as a family of two. There is no going back, so why not enjoy what is left of this time?

 

Then Thursday hit. All of a sudden I started to feel anxious about meeting my little girl, and I really wanted her to come on her own versus being induced. I started getting a little upset when a friend who was due after I was had her baby yesterday. I started having contractions last night that were more powerful and regular than usual, and then…they stopped. So as it stands right now, I just don’t see her coming naturally.

 

How I’m feeling physically

I feel pretty good actually. Considering that I’m home a lot and resting, my body is not in nearly as much pain as it was during my last week at work. And I know I’m bigger and more swollen now, but I still feel better. I’m a nesting freak and feel that I want to clean and organize everything. Even with increased activity and more walking,  I still feel more energetic and less achy. I’ve been thinking a lot about my body too. Even though it looks so different now, I’ve gotten used to it and I can’t really imagine going back to being bump-free (or having a much smaller bump). I’m curious and scared as to what my body will look like after I give birth. I pray that I can be kind and accepting of whatever state my body is in. I can’t even begin to describe how grateful and amazed I am at what it has been able to accomplish on its own. I will focus on continuing to love my body through the next stages it is about to go through.

 

A few more notes on my current mental state

Mentally I feel okay, I’m just a bit cranky and very anti-social. My phone rings a lot and I really don’t ever feel like picking it up. Everyone wants news, but I don’t have any and it upsets me when I have to repeat that over and over. Yesterday I told Joe that I feel like a chicken that is about to lay a golden egg or something.  I know everyone is excited and showing love and care through reaching out. I’m just in a weird place though, it is nothing personal.

 

What I’ve been eating

I’m still completely obsessed with goat cheese and eat it every day either on toast or in a salad. Today I had it on an arugula salad alongside a leftover turkey burger.

Also still into grapefruit. It is so darn good.

And another favorite are Haribo raspberry candies

Week 40 bump

I guess that’s about it…not much else to report! Just going to enjoy this weekend and wait to see what happens. I can’t believe this is my last Friday ever not being a mom. Wow. Better go live it up! Before I know it I’ll be rocking mom jeans and driving a minivan.

 

Previous pregnancy updates HERE.

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Do You Dislike your Thinner or Fatter Self?

The other day Joe was scrolling through my blog as I was sitting on the couch. He came across a picture I posted and said, “Wow you look really good in this picture”. Instead of saying thank you, my first thought went to…”I must look terrible, now”.

In no way, shape, or form did Joe ever reference my current body, he was just giving me a simple compliment.

 

At that moment I realized…I’m jealous of myself. In the picture Joe was referencing I was at the healthiest weight I had been at in years. I was doing things a healthy way too (eating right and running a lot), so I should be proud of who is looking back at me in the picture. Instead, I kind of hated her.

 

This has also happened to me with pictures of my heavier self. I  recently came across a picture of myself in college at a really high weight. Probably my highest weight to-date. I instantly looked at it and was disgusted. I didn’t want to acknowledge that it was me.

After thinking about both instances I knew that I needed to reflect. Ultimately all of those pictures are of the same person. The only thing that changed from the thin picture to the fat picture was the number on the scale. At either point in time I was the same person with the same warm heart, the same sense of humor, and the same wonderful life.

I always thought that at some point I would find that happy place with health and diet and leave all of my insecurities behind. While I know I’ve made progress, I am starting to realize that until I can accept myself for who I am and not what I look like, that I will never find release from the emotions attached to my physical appearance.

I think that being pregnant has really challenged me to love myself no matter what I look like on the outside. While I am certainly trying to be a healthy pregnant lady, there is no doubt that my body is changing and that I am getting a lot bigger on the outside. But on the inside, my body is performing miracles. At times when I’ve been upset about my lack of self control or the fact that my weight gain that is higher than the charts say it should be, I just stop and ask myself what the heck am I doing?!

Do I want my daughter to ever sense that her arrival made me stressed and upset? Would I want my own daughter to feel the same way about her body that I do about mine?

How to you feel about seeing yourself at a lighter or heavier weight?
Do you accept who you are at any point?

What have you done to increase your level of self acceptance?

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Week 19 Pregnancy Update – lots to say

One week until the half way point, can you believe it? I can’t!

 

This week was a fun and busy one. Over the weekend I had a blast with Joe’s mom picking out the bedding for the nursery. As soon as I saw it, I knew!

 

It is the Catherine collection from Pottery Barn Kids, and I love it I love the pink/brown/tan combo and the patchwork. Plus I’m in love with the owls, birds and bunnies! The bunnies are actually all turned backwards so you just see their fluffy tails. So sweet!

 

I also picked out a few other cute things for the registry- one being an adorable bath wrap. I actually picked out a unicorn and pig one, but they didn’t have a good picture of it on the website. So here’s a cute baby picture instead.

 

This week I also tried out a new pregnancy workout DVD.

Look at this woman! She is a former member of Cirque de Soleil. The workout is great and I really enjoyed it. It’s mostly strengthening exercises like lunges, pushups, dips and leg lifts. She also includes kegels which I think is a nice touch. I really enjoyed working out hard and knowing that all of the moves were safe for the baby and beneficial to me.

 

In other news, one of my biggest struggles this week was dealing with the comparison trap. I’ve been finding that I can’t stop comparing myself to other pregnant women. I ask myself- am I working out enough? am I working out hard enough? Am I gaining too much weight? Do I look pregnant or just fat? Am I eating healthy enough? Then I realized the other day that if I don’t stop this bullshit (excuse my french), then I will ruin my entire pregnancy. I’M NOT GOING TO LET THAT HAPPEN.

 

So from here on out- I’m going to embrace my pregnancy. I’m going to stop reading blogs of people that make me feel bad about myself. I’m going to stop worrying about the number on the scale and instead make sure that I’m eating enough healthy and nourishing food for my baby.

 

I have 9 months to be pregnant- and there are no guarantees I’ll have another pregnancy. If I waste this time being negative and never feeling good enough about myself to enjoy this time, then it will be gone and I will have missed it. I have my whole life to be a gym rat and a super healthy eater.

 

Alright I think I’m all talked out! Picture time! (These are so grainy, sorry. I need to find a better place to take these photos because I think the lighting in my bedroom is terrible!

Size of the Baby: 6.0 inches (size of a mango), 8.5 oz.

Cravings: Yesterday I was craving a mix of bulgur, baked tofu and steamed spinach with soy sauce. It’s a combo I used to eat all the time, CHEESE (i seriously can’t get enough), chocolate in any form.

 

That might explain this episode:

 

Previous Updates:

Week 18

Week 17

Week 16

Week 15

Week 14

 

I was thinking this week that if I had to choose only two foods to eat all week I would pick bread (crusty baguette or ciabatta), and cheese (any kind).

What would you pick?

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Superficial Pregnancy Fears

Maybe it’s just me.. (I don’t think it is)…but I’ve realized that ever since I’ve been pregnant I’ve felt some pressure to be the perfect, cute, healthy pregnant lady.

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I think in the back of my mind, I was always worried about this- but now some of my fears are being realized.

 

As a curvier person who has battled with weight for many years, I always wondered if people would even know that I was pregnant and not just think "she let herself go". I also feared that all of the work it took to finally get me to a happy place with my body would be lost.

On top of these fears came the fact that my plantar fasciitis had stopped me from working out for quite sometime, and before I even got pregnant I was battling a new 5-6 pound gain that wouldn’t go away. I kept thinking to myself how scary it would be to gain 20-35 pounds on top of what I had already gained back.

In addition to my own insecurities, I started reading stories of other women’s pregnancy journeys and comparing myself to them. Some of the talked often about how they can still wear all of their pre-pregnancy clothing or how their workout routines are still going strong.

 

Meanwhile I was ready to buy a pair of maternity jeans at 12 weeks and hadn’t stepped foot in the gym all summer. I guess I failed at the cute, healthy, pregnancy thing.

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The truth is, as I’m starting to understand, is that my pregnancy journey is just that….IT’S MINE. And this time in my life will be a fleeting moment that I’m sure I will barely remember in a few years when I have my hands full of kids and other responsibilities.

 

Even my doctor told me…"ENJOY THIS TIME. IT GOES FAST". The doctor also told me to stop being so hard on myself about my recent food choices and my weight gain. I may not  have been where I wanted to be weight-wise when I got pregnant, but this is the time that it was meant for me to get pregnant- and that is all that matters. I’m blessed and lucky enough to be able to carry a child, and for that I will be forever grateful.

 

And hey, maybe a little extra cushioning will make my hips softer and more comfortable when I hold my child against them.

My health is my responsibility and it is my obligation to do my best during my pregnancy to eat well and be physically active. These days my food choices are becoming more varied, and I’m still very physically active at my job (swimming, playing sports and running after kids). And for now, I"m doing what I can. Hey, the day is short when you can’t stay awake past 9pm.

 

Anyhow, sorry for all of the rambling- I just wanted to share with you all some of what I’ve been experiencing. My journey is just beginning, and I’m sure there will be so many changes along the way. Thanks for keeping me company!

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Worst Idea Ever

Hi everyone!

 

Hope you all had a nice X-mas if you celebrate, and a nice day off even if you don’t.  There is something about the quiet of Christmas day that I think anyone can enjoy, even if you aren’t observing the holiday.

 

I plan to do some recapping of our holiday, but I quickly wanted to share with you one of my worst ideas ever.

 

Last night around 11:30 pm, Joe, me, his brother and his girlfriend decided to whip out the Wii and play some games. We ended up deciding to play Wii Fit games, but first we had to create our Mii profile.

 

So as it turns out, I needed to weigh myself in front of everyone. (after x-mas dinner, in all of my clothes) It didn’t show my weight, but it did show my BMI and tell me that I was overweight.

 

But the best part was the animation that came afterwards that showed my little Mii blowing up and then sighing in disappointment when the number came up.

 

I had some major flashbacks to gym class in elementary school where we had our "fit tests" or were weighed in class. I was embarrassed.

 

I can say though- that I feel fine now, and it was easier than ever before for me to prevent a meltdown. Here’s why.

 

• I know I’m NOT overweight. I actually do have a healthy BMI, but I am on the higher side of weight for my height. So with all the other factors (clothes, holidays, etc) I shouldn’t be that surprised.
• I’m healthy! I ran a half marathon this year, I’ve exercised every day this week and it’s Christmas week!
• I love my body, no matter what this stupid game says or what anyone (including my own negative thoughts) say.
• Weight is just a number. It doesn’t define me, it doesn’t own me, and it doesn’t determine my worth as a person.

 

How are you feeling about your body today?

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