Hi!
I’ve been wanting to blog for a while. There is so much going on in my head that I’ve been wanting to share, but I just haven’t really had the motivation to transfer the thoughts from my head into writing. Mostly I feel like there is just TOO much to say at this point, so I’ll try and touch on some of the main things in my new mom life in the most honest way possible. The focus of my updates are going to be mostly about me and my experiences as a new mom. I’m not planning on writing updates on Olivia’s development. She is a happy healthy baby and doing great! I’m hoping that what I write will be able to help other new moms out there to not feel alone. Often times we only see the positives about new motherhood, but I think there is more to say. If you are a new mom, I’d love to hear from you in the comment section!
Postpartum Blues
While I know that I do/did not have postpartum depression, I can still admit to you guys that I cried every day for a while in the beginning. Call it hormones, call it sleep deprivation, call it serious nipple pain, or just the plain old fact of accepting that life as I know it is changed forever, it was tough at first. Additionally I was basically stuck in the house for 8 weeks, so that didn’t help. I would certainly say that I had a case of the baby blues, but at the same time, I’d also say that I am completely normal. I can’t imagine that other new moms never feel this way. I think they probably just don’t admit it. It’s really easy to feel guilty about it (and everything else), but we are human and not perfect new mommy robots. While there is no doubt that I am completely head over heels in love with my daughter, I still believe that there is a time in a new mom’s life where she grieves a little for her old way of living. How can you not? Now that it is done though- I must say that I think staying in for that first 8 weeks was a great thing. It really allowed me to get to know my baby- understand her cues and natural routine, and allowed my body to heal.
(fyi Olivia is not really a Moby lover. This lasted about 3 minutes)
Postpartum Body Update
Things are going well in this department. Well at least according to me. I never really expected to be one of those women who could walk out of the hospital in her pre-pregnancy jeans and I was right about that. Of the 45 lbs I gained while pregnant I’ve lost 27. Without any effort I lost the first 20. The 7 after that have come more recently. I joined Weight Watchers 4 weeks ago and it has been working. I’ve also been more active (running, walking, Turbo Fire) and cooking a lot more. I think my milk supply is more established now, so I’m hoping my body will continue to allow the weight to come off. I love Weight Watchers and I find it completely do-able. I get a ton of points because I’m nursing, and I really feel like there is nothing I can’t have. I also like the fact that I know if I stay within my points that I am safely dieting to protect my supply. Just winging it would have been a little more difficult. I’m pretty sure I would have under ate if I did it on my own.
My daily menu usually looks like:
S: Banana
B: Oatmeal with flax, berries, peanut butter and a splash of almond milk, coffee
S: Balance Bar
L: Turkey sandwich, grapes
S: 6-8 ounces of 0% chobani with peanut flour
D: A balanced meal- protein, carb, veggie
S: Two Trader Joe’s Hold the Cone mini ice cream cones (Have you tried these?! SO GOOD and only 70 calories each)
Sometimes I feel a bit uncomfortable in my new body, but other times I could really care less. Unlike previous attempts to lose weight, this time I am a lot nicer to myself. I know it’s going to be a process and I don’t have any plans to do anything extreme to get back my body faster than it’s ready. I always cringed at the saying, "9 months on, 9 months off", but now that I’ve seen how fast these 3 months have gone, I feel like the weight will be off in no time.
Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding is still challenging in new and different ways. After about 8 weeks the pain finally was completely gone which was amazing. However, Olivia and I are still working on other things. I have a fast flow and strong let down which can be upsetting to babies sometimes as they get a lot of milk at once. It causes her to cry during feedings sometimes and also get frustrated at other times if my supply is lower and she doesn’t get the fast flow. She also gets upset if I try to feed her before she is hungry. I thought that my baby would be pretty happy to nurse at almost any time, but she isn’t quite like that. She will get really worked up if I attempt it and she doesn’t want it. So I really need to watch her for hunger signals. She also spits up a bit, and will do that even more if she isn’t hungry enough to digest all of the milk. It hurts my heart sometimes to see that I’m making my little girl upset by trying to nurse her, but I am hoping this is something we can continue to work through. She eats 6 times a day lately and I try to monitor the times to see how she is spacing feedings. Typically it is (4am, 8am, 12pm, 2:30pm, 5:30pm, 8:30pm). I’ve also started getting more comfortable feeding her outside of the house although it’s a bit challenging. At home I can use a pillow to angle her a little bit (to help with the flow), and sometimes when we are out I can’t get the positioning quite right. But we’re working on it. So far I’ve nursed at the Cheesecake Factory (with a cover), in my car (a few times), and at Bloomingdales and Nordstroms. I have to say that I don’t think I was fully prepared for the emotional and physical wear and tear of breastfeeding. I always imagined it would be easy and instant, but it’s a long road and it takes a lot of determination, strength, and love to keep going when it’s hard.
Social Life
I’m currently working on meeting some new mommy friends. It’s not the easiest thing, but it’s important. I don’t have any family around here so my week days can be a little bit isolating. I started to feel a bit lonely and most of my friends, while still involved in my life, are living a very different lifestyle than me. I am staying home for now, so it will be nice to have other stay at home mom friends to get together with during the day for walks, play dates, coffee, etc. When you think about it, it’s a hard time to get out there and be social. You have nothing to wear, you haven’t showered in 3 days, there is spit up on your shoulder, you worry that every time you leave the house your baby is going to need to eat or poop, your mind is so mushy you can’t really make the best conversation, and you have a little one with you that may or may not be in the mood for socializing. It’s tough, but I am determined. I know that if I feel this way, other new moms out there do too, and we can bond over all of this stuff. It’s funny how much I notice other moms now when I’m out. I make an effort to talk to people with babies all the time because it just feels good. 9 times out of 10 other women are super receptive to the conversation. I think we all share that feeling of living in our isolated mom worlds.
There is much more that I could talk about at this point, but I’m hoping I’ll be back to do that soon.
It sounds like you are doing wonderfully! The moment where you think “life will never be the same!” certainly is overwhelming. I think it hit me when I first got pregnant, though, rather than when H arrived. And definitely find some mommy friends. It helps so much and they don’t care if you have spit up on you
Last, but not least, things only get easier and you get more and more back to feeling like you, so hang in there! Olivia is simply gorgeous and it sounds like you’re doing an awesome job!
Thanks Brittany! That means a lot coming from you because I look up to you as a new mom! The new mom group was wonderful, I can’t wait to go back and meet more people. So refreshing!
Olivia is a peach!
Thanks!
I appreciate you writing these honest posts! I’m due in 6 and a half weeks with my first baby (a girl) and I’m so worried about life as a new mom, breastfeeding, being lonely, etc. It helps to read your experience and know I can do it!
Oooh congrats!! I’m sure you are really excited! Don’t spend too much time worrying now, just enjoy what’s left of your pregnancy and know that you will be fine! It’s not easy but you will do great!
Thank. You.
I have had ALL those same feelings too! Minus the body part. I don’t think I’ve lost much weight at all, except initially. It will eventually come off but it will probably take closer to the 9 months. I am so happy for you, though! You are doing so wel at this mommy thing (even though you may not always feel like it). That is the one thing about being a mom that I like. There have been SO many women that have been there, done that.
It’s like a really large club.
As always, please keep sharing. I was actually thinking about you the other day and that we hadn’t heard anything from you in awhile. I was hoping and praying that everything was still going well…and I’m glad to know it all is.
It totally is a club. I love that. It’s SO easy to talk to other moms, especially new moms. I went to a mommy group yesterday and I don’t think I stopped talking for a minute.
Olivia is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m glad you’re doing well.
Thanks Claire! How are things with you?
That’s really cool of you to be so honest about your experience. I understand why some others are not, since the guilt comes easily. I’m faaar away from being a mother, but I enjoy reading about real experiences. I admire you and other moms!
PS: The last photo is adorable!
I understand why others don’t fully disclose how they feel in the beginning, and hey, maybe they don’t feel the way I did on some days. More power to them. But I just wanted to offer another perspective.
Olivia is adorable!! As a new mom-to-be, it is good to know ahead of time that it’s not always going to be a bed of roses and that it is normal to feel upset about losing control over your life. Really appreciate your honesty – thanks for sharing!
Thanks Priya! I’m glad you liked the post. When are you due? I’m glad I could share this too, I feel like although everyone kept saying “Your life will never be the same”, they didn’t really touch on the mixed emotions moms may feel in the beginning. I think if I knew some of this ahead of time I would have felt so guilty for some of the emotions I had. I know I’m normal and being overwhelmed and adjusting doesn’t make me love my baby any less! Remember that!
I was actually just thinking about you today and how you were doing. I’m glad to hear you are doing decently and I really love how honest you are. I know it must be so different (but in a good way). You continue to inspire me. I also love that you still have peanut flour-we may be two of the only bloggers that still do! HA!
You’re just the sweetest Hollie! I totally have a stash of peanut flour in the basement. (hoarder)
Jamie! I always check your blog to see if you’ve updated and I’m glad I popped in today.. I can imagine your whole life changes once you have a baby but it sounds like you’re adjusting well. I think your feelings are completely normal even though I’ve never been pregnant/a mommy.. Olivia is such a cutie too! Keep the positive thoughts going momma
Hi Sunny! Glad you still check in on me!
Mommyhood is great, but yes, a HUGE adjustment!
Wow Olivia is gorgeous!!!!
And I can totally relate to everything you said! Except for pp blues, somehow I avoided those. I did cry a few times but it was more due to how challenging and frustrating BFing was in the beginning.
I’m glad you got it down too!
Thanks Elena! That’s great that you avoided the blues! And BFing was definitely a source of tears in the beginning. It was challenging and overwhelming and PAINFUL! It’s amazing how far you come though- mommy and baby both need time to learn and figure it out. I thought it was pretty awesome to share that learning experience with my daughter. I’m sure you feel the same!
I’m so glad things are getting easier for you, I find that the first 4-6 weeks I’m just in survival mode with lots of tears and sleep deprivation! Now at 13 weeks things feel so much more ‘normal’ and routine. Definitely find you some other mommies to hang out with! I’m back at work and just a little adult interaction helped me as well. Or maybe it was being in cute clothes and wearing makeup, haha.
Oh and forgot to say how ADORABLE she is!
Krista
Thank you!
Things are certainly starting to feel more normal and routine. That’s great that you are back at work and feeling good! I am sure that putting yourself together to go to work helps. When I actually shower and wear real clothes I feel better too! Even if I’m greasy these days I try to at least put on some concealer and bronzer. Fake it till you make it!
Aww so happy to see more pics of beautiful O — she is really darling!!!
And I hear ya on the baby blues. I think I was able to combat them fairly well most of the time thanks to the influx of visitors we had and my mommy groups. They were a godsend for sure. But I’m actually finding that I’m getting a BIG dose of the blues now that I’m 99% done with breastfeeding. All those happy hormones are gone and I’m in a rut..hence the lack of blogging.
Life sure is different..and there are most certainly some struggles (like I def don’t fit in most of my pre-preg pants and my hair is fallling out by the fistfuls) but I wouldn’t change it for the world
Sorry to hear that weaning is giving you the blues. I never knew that could happen. I’m sure that you will feel better soon and S’s little face is so adorable that I know he will make it easier on you. XO
I love this post! Living in an Arizona retirement community there isn’t a lot of young couples where we live and I actually told my husband the other day I need to start talking to all the moms and babies I see while out running errands and ask them if they’d be interested in starting a play group with me. Being a stay at home mom can definitely be lonely. I’m in the mood to take a trip just to break out of the routine of taking care of the baby, cooking, cleaning and running errands all week. Luckily I go into work twice a week for an hour or two and train clients. I love the interaction. We’ve also been trying to go out to eat 2-3 times over the weekend, which feels so good to be around people and having a glass of wine (baby permitting). I’m still not comfortable breastfeeding out in public so I try to pack a bottle. Most times Cameryn just sleeps the whole time, but there are other times when we just need to get the bill and head home. I’m super jealous Olivia isn’t eating during the night. I still am getting up with Cameryn 2-3 times to feed. She is also still sleeping next to me in bed, I’ve got to be strong and just put her in her crib and deal with it for a week until she is comfortable sleeping on her own. She also feeds a lot during the day. I think she likes eating small amount but very often… You’re looking great and little O is so adorable! I love all her cute outfits!
Hey! I know what you mean about outings- they are a crap shoot! I am okay feeding Olivia in public although I still try to time things around her because it’s not the easiest thing to do and I’d prefer not to. That is good that C is taking a bottle now! Yay! As far as feeding during the day I think O is the opposite of C. She eats for longer and I think eats a lot at one time. Oh and if it makes you feel better, Olivia is now back to waking 2x a night. Babies just do their own thing. I wouldn’t worry too much about her being in your bed either. It doesn’t mean you aren’t strong. She’s probably just not ready. I’m sure she will get into the crib eventually. O is still in the co-sleeper next to our bed. I’ve been thinking about transitioning her to the nursery soon, but I don’t know if I’m ready! She looks so small in that big crib!
Hi Jen~ love your blog! Your little girl is precious. I am a new mom to a baby boy named Hudson who just turned 3 months. Thank You for this post and your honesty. I am just now starting to feel like myself. I was not prepared for how overwhelming and tough motherhood would be. I guess no one can prepare you.. It is the most amazing thing in the world but there are times I mourn my old life.
Having accepted that things are differant and getting out of the house is helping tremendously. I don’t get these parenting books that insist every nap be in the crib, I would go insane!!
My body is also changed but like you I don’t care so much.. having a baby is so worth it
Hope things keep going well with your little girl
Hope you are doing well – we all miss you and are wishing you the best with your beautiful new family!!!
This is such a wonderful post. My son is 4 weeks old and I am finally getting to where I don’t cry everyday. I have never had my world rocked like I did coming home with a baby. I felt (and still feel) like someone should have warned me. Why did none of the women I know with kids tell me just how hard it would be? I sometimes see people out and about (at target or the grocery store) and I think, “you are so lucky that you don’t gave a baby to take of.” And then I look at my baby and he is the sweetest thing ever and it seems to make it all okay (at least for awhile). My next task is to find some mommy friends because I am sure that us SO helpful. And I love the blogging community so much because people like you make me feel like I am not all alone. Thank you for your honesty and keep on keeping on.
Love the honesty post, reading other blogs made me feel like I was doing everything wrong and had been doing it all wrong for years. Being a mom is hard and there are days I wonder what it would have been like if we would have waited longer or not had any at all…it’s hard NOT to think about our previous lives!!!! I only breastfed my youngest and I did it for 13 months, but that was only because he was so attached to it. I hated it.