Parenting Books- Yay or Nay?

I think I feel the same way about parenting books as I do about wedding magazines. In some ways they do more harm than good.

 

I remember when I was newly engaged I took a trip to Barnes and Noble and bought one of every wedding magazine on the shelf. I was so excited to start folding down pages, getting ideas, and advice on planning my wedding.

 

Soon after I started reading them, I stopped. I found that every magazine had some kind of "timeline" for wedding to-do’s that I should be following. I would read the timelines and instantly panic about what I wasn’t doing. Additionally, the picture perfect weddings that were showcased made me second guess everything I chose for my wedding. Ultimately my choices were made from the heart, they reflected my taste and all was perfect just as it was. 

What a waste of time wondering if my choices were right for me.

 

As a new mom, I kind of feel the same way about parenting books. The more I read them, the more I question myself and if what I’m doing is "right".

 

I think this is more related to my personality than anything. When I read a "how-to" book, I tend to take them a bit to seriously. I don’t want to read the books and then feel like I HAVE to stick to the advice in them. I just can’t do that to myself when it comes to my baby. I need to get to know her, formulate questions based on who she is and what she is doing, and seek out advice as needed from my doctor, mom, sister, etc…but most of all, just kind of figure it out.

 

I need to trust myself and not let a book tell me that what I’m doing is wrong even when it FEELS right.

 

What’s your opinion on parenting books?

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Things we like and don’t like so much

I remember when I had to register for my baby shower having NO CLUE what we needed. I had some great things that my sister gave me, but I also knew that I wanted to get some new things for Olivia and I didn’t really know where to begin.

 

My mom and in-laws took care of basically everything in the nursery. We got the furniture from a local baby store that was great. If you can, I highly recommend seeing if there is one near you. There were many benefits to shopping at a local store.

1. Ours was an older store that had been there for YEARS and YEARS. The folks that worked there were extremely knowledgeable and helpful.

2. They had a great selection but not an endless one. The internet has endless options- it can be difficult to narrow it down.

3. They delivered and put together the crib (it was actually their policy that they require that they put it together). The installers were from the store and not contracted out, and it took them 10 minutes to assemble everything.

 

Anyway, some of the other things that have really helped us are:

 

Brest Friend Nursing Pillow- INVALUABLE. Helped me SO much for positioning for feeding. It also clips around your waist so you can keep it on if you need to get up for a diaper change. In the middle of the night when I feed Olivia I snap it on, pick her up from the bassinet and walk into the nursery with the pillow still on.  I feed her on one side, swing the pillow around so the big part is in the back, change her, swing it back around, and feed on the other side. (This may not make any sense to you right now, but if you have the pillow and you’re trying to figure out night feedings with one set of hands you will see what I mean about my strategy).

Arms Reach Co-sleeper- We tried a few things when it came to where Olivia would sleep. Initially we put her in a bassinet upstairs in our room. While she slept just fine, I didn’t. I hated that I couldn’t see her and at first I really didn’t know what all of her crazy noises meant. Was she grunting because she couldn’t breathe? Then when she wouldn’t make any noises I’d freak out too. My sister gave us a Snuggle Nest Co-sleeper so we tried that first. It was nice at first but ultimately neither of us wanted her in our bed. We both worried about rolling on her or accidentally putting a pillow or blanket too close to her. And since we were so deliriously tired, it just felt unsafe. Eventually we bought the Arms Reach co sleeper which is the best of both worlds. She is right next to me so I can see her, reach her to rock her a bit or replace her pacifier, but she is not IN bed with us.

 

Fisher Price Piano Mat- We got this mat as a gift and it has been awesome. It really makes "playing" so much more fun! It’s not that easy to play with a newborn and when I watch her on this mat, I can tell she enjoys it. It gives her stimulation because she looks in the mirror, swats the animals and when she moves her legs they hit the piano keys and play music. It’s fun for her and fun for me too. The bar also can be laid down with the mirror facing up for tummy time. She hates tummy time, but I try it anyway.

Two Changing Tables/Two Bassinets- We were fortunate enough to have an extra changing table given to us by my mom and an extra bassinet that my sister gave me. But let me tell you, they are lifesavers. We spend most of our time downstairs during the day and it would be pretty exhausting to have to go upstairs to change Olivia every time she had a dirty diaper. It also is a convenient place to change her before and after bath time. I guess I could change her on a mat on the floor, but it’s nice to have a place for everything (diapers, creams, burp cloths, etc). Upstairs I just put a changing mat on top of the dresser. As for the bassinet, when we started to use the Arms Reach, we brought the other one we had downstairs. Olivia takes naps in it and I know it is a safe place to put her if I’m not in the immediate vicinity since it doesn’t move or vibrate or anything like that.

 

Kushies Mobile- It may not match anything in the nursery, but she loves it. After I change her in the morning I put her in her crib and she enjoys staring at it for a long time. It is fun for her and I can put in my contacts and brush my teeth. All of the Zolo/Kushies stuff we have has been a pretty big hit with her.

A bazillion burp cloths/cloth diapers- We didn’t have even close to what we needed. I use these for EVERYTHING.

 

Fisher Price Snugabunny Swing- I’ve mentioned this before, but this swing is a lifesaver. She loves it, we love it. The fact that it swings side to side is really what I think makes it soothing.

 

Bouncy Seat/Vibrating Seat- While Olivia doesn’t LOVE her vibrating chair, she will tolerate it while I’m in the shower or drying my hair. Mostly because she enjoys the sounds of the water from the shower and white noise from the dryer. Either way, I think its necessary to have something like this that you can bring into the bathroom.

 

Swaddle Me- Swaddling isn’t hard, but my super strong baby was busting out of any single blanket swaddle I did. Since it’s getting warm I don’t want to always have to wrap her in two blankets. These work great and they are lightweight cotton, and only $12.99 at Babies R Us.

Things that didn’t really work for us (or at least not yet)

Boppy - Awkward and uncomfortable for breastfeeding (too high and didn’t really work with a postpartum tummy)

 

Boppy lounger- Olivia was never happy on here unless she was already asleep and swaddled. Looked so comfy, I thought she would love it.

 

Aden & Anais swaddle blankets- I love the way they feel and the fact that they are so lightweight but busted out every time. And yes, I watched a million videos on HOW to swaddle with these blankets in particular.

 

Moby Wrap- Meh. It was okay at first but as she got bigger I didn’t love it. I felt her head was too wobbly because she didn’t want to tuck it inside the pocket. It’s also hard to get on quickly. I thought I would be more of a baby wearer than I actually am.

 

Ergo Infant Insert- I really like the way the Ergo feels and how secure it is, but the thing is HOT. Add the insert which is like a down comforter and bring on the sweat. I wish there was a layer between the Ergo and me, but Olivia is right on my chest, so when I get hot, she gets hot. I took her out of it after a walk one day and I was nervous about how warm we both were. Not a fan.

I hope this is helpful to any new moms out there!

 

What are your baby essentials? What were some things that you thought you would need/want but didn’t?

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Schedule (sort-of)

When our family left and Joe went back to work and I was on my own with Olivia I was pretty nervous about how our day would be. To be completely honest, some of the first days were really tough (and Olivia is a really good baby).

 

The days were tough because I had too many expectations about what our day would look like. You just can’t do that with a newborn (in my opinion). You have to let them lead the way and try and be as flexible as you can. In that first week I cried around 4pm everyday. It would start to get dark, Olivia would start to get fussy, and I would be getting very tired. I think my nervous energy just made things worse.

 

I would Google constantly trying to find some kind of schedule to make things easier for both Olivia and myself. If you’re reading this post right now, you may have searched for the same thing. Although no one else’s schedule is necessarily right for your baby, I think it’s helpful as a new mom to see what other people are doing. So here is our current schedule which reflects most days, but some days we have no schedule at all. I’ve included the fussy day routine and the sleepy day routine because Olivia’s mood really does effect what our day looks like.

 

8 ish: Olivia wakes up, she sleeps in a co-sleeper in our room. (We use the Arms Reach bassinet)

I let her stretch and wake up a bit and then feed her in my bed. On fussy days I sometimes need to feed her in the nursery because she moves around a lot while eating and we can’t get in sync as well as we do in the glider.

 

8:30 or so: Diaper change and dress for the day. I put Olivia in her crib and she moves her arms and legs and plays. She looks at her mobile, I go put in my contact lenses, use the bathroom, and sometimes go grab a cup of coffee to drink while playing with her. (*tip, always use the auto setting on your coffee maker the night before so its ready when you get up) At the end of her play session we do tummy time for a minute or two (or 30 seconds). If she’s fussy this playtime is shorter, but usually she is in a good mood at this time. I never push it, and if she gets upset, I take her out right away.

9am: Come downstairs, walk around, often another diaper change. Try to put Olivia in the swing for a nap. On fussy days she isn’t having any part of the swing and usually wails when I put her in it and makes me feel guilty for trying. So instead I walk her around more, go into the bathroom with the loud fan that she likes, swaddle her, give her a pacifier and attempt to lay her in her bassinet downstairs for a nap. Usually she will go down if she is calm, but may stir and wake up a bunch of times. Often she will bust out of my swaddle and lose the pacifier, so I just stay calm (try), reswaddle her and give her back the pacifier.

9:45: Pump.If she is fussy, I may skip this in order to eat because who knows how long she will nap.

10am (or so): Clean pump if I did that, and then eat breakfast. Most days I make egg whites on a bagel thin with turkey and spinach. A banana on the side. Fussy days I usually eat oatmeal because it’s faster. I load it with banana, walnuts, raisins and some flax seed. Calorie dense is good because mealtimes may be infrequent. I pour some cold almond milk on top to lower the temp so I can eat it quickly. Then I run around and try to get things done- laundry, dinner prep, prep my lunch and snacks for the rest of the day so they are easily available, etc. 

11:30 Depending on nap time…feed Olivia again, diaper change, lay her down to play on her playmat or bring her upstairs and put her in the bouncy seat while I shower and do things upstairs. Some days she hates the bouncy seat (most days), so time is limited. Yesterday as soon as I got all wet in the shower she spit out her pacifier and started wailing. I got a bit flustered thinking about how to run out of the shower soaking wet and pick her up to soothe her without clothing. Fortunately by the time I got out she was somewhat calm and I was able to hurry up and put a robe on. It was kind of funny actually.

 

From here it’s kind of hard to remember what we do. She will eat again, nap again, and there will be a bunch more diaper changes. Usually the order is- eat, diaper change, play a little (or something like that), she gets sleepy, I try and soothe her and put her back down.

 

Anywhere from 2-4pm : We venture out on a walk. Even on non-fussy days she cries when I put her in the carseat. I run downstairs to bring the diaper bag down, and then the carseat, and load her into the car. I can’t walk safely with her right out the door since we live on a busy road, so we drive to the park and walk for about a half hour.

 

3pm (or so): Another feeding (often a fussy one), usually followed by a nap on my chest. I often take this time to close my eyes as well.

 

4/5pm: Diaper change, playtime, etc. Sometimes there is another feeding because she spaces them closer together as the day goes on. If she eats and naps for a little, I’ll use this time to prepare dinner or clean up a little bit before Joe gets home.

5:45/6pm: Joe comes home, I hand him Olivia and get dinner ready, or I will go out and do something (quick trip to the gym, grocery store, etc). Sometimes she will hang out in the swing and we eat together, other times we eat in shifts. After dinner Joe usually holds Olivia and she rests but doesn’t sleep really.  I’ll get the bath ready if she is taking one (every other night usually)

 

6:30- 8:30-: More resting, another feeding, bathtime, PJ’s and then she goes upstairs into the nursery. Joe will give her a bottle and I will pump, or I will feed her. Either way, her last pre-bed feeding is always the same. In the nursery, lights down low, she eats, gets swaddled and then goes down in her co-sleeper. We try and do the same thing every night so she knows it’s bedtime. So far it’s working. When we put her down, usually she is awake but quiet and eventually falls asleep. One of us lays in there while the other gets a snack downstairs and then we switch.

 

9:30/9:45-I’m in bed and sleeping.

 

1am (or so): First night feeding, I take Olivia into the nursery. Feed one side, diaper change, feed other side

 

4 or 5am (or so): Second night feeding.

 

7:30/8am: Up for the day/repeat!

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Patience

For some time now I’ve been a big believer in positive affirmations. My favorite source of information on how to get started using positive affirmations is Louise Hay. Her book(accompanied by a wonderful CD), I Can DO It!  has changed my life. Whenever things in my life are weighing on me, my favorite way to combat anxiety and negativity are by creating affirmations that push my thoughts in a better direction. I can honestly say that when I’ve used them religiously, I’ve seen my reality change for the better.

A few years ago I lived in an apartment with two roommates. I got along with one of them, but the other drove me nuts. A good example of how she drove me nuts would be when she gave her boyfriend (of less than a month), a key to our apartment without asking permission. I found this out when I came home to him hanging out on my couch with her no where to be found.

 

I created an affirmation that was, "My living situation is perfect, my roommates are kind and respectful". I said it ALL the time. Within a month, my one roommate (that I liked) decided that she was buying a house with her boyfriend. Therefore, her boyfriend’s nice (and reasonably priced) apartment became available. I moved in there shortly after by myself and LOVED it.

 

Lately I found that I was feeling overwhelmed with my new situation and realized that so much of what was causing me anxiety had to do with my lack of patience.

• I want to be able to read Olivia’s cues and know what to do
• I want to have breastfeeding figured out and have the pain stop
• I want to be able to get out of the house
• I want to be able to be more productive during the day
• I want to like the way I look
• I want to fit into more of my clothes
• I want to feel like my old self

Once I looked at everything I wanted to JUST HAPPEN right away it was easy for me to formulate a new affirmation- "I am patient with my baby and myself".

 

I say it over and over and over and it’s starting to be true for me. Olivia and I are really getting to know each other. I let her lead the way and I follow her flow and don’t get impatient if I can’t figure something out right away. When I stay calm and remain patient, I’ve been more effective at soothing her and staying cool. If I just step away often it is more clear what she is asking for. And if the day doesn’t unfold how I want, I’m focusing on being patient and taking it one moment at a time.

 

Lately my goals are flexible and often include one main event (a walk, a shower, preparing dinner, a blog post) and go from there. If I get one thing done, GREAT! If I get more done, that’s awesome too. But the more patient I have become, the more things seem to work out.

I saw a lactation consultant on Saturday and breastfeeding has since gotten better. She showed me some simple tips and also helped confirm that I was doing a good job.

I joined a gym and even though I’m not yet cleared for exercise I did a very light workout last night for 20 minutes and it felt great. So far today I’ve eaten healthy and I’m making dinner in the crockpot.

 

Patience is everything for me. And it helps me to remember to just pause and enjoy life. I’m sure in a few months I will long for the days when all I expected of myself was a shower..and my only responsibility was making sure my baby was safe and fed and happy.

 

I urge you to check out Louise Hay’s books and see if positive affirmations can help you. They aren’t a miracle cure, and you really need to be diligent about it, but I promise you they work.

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Blah Blah Huh?

That’s what it kind of sounds like in my brain right now. Serious baby brain going on.

I guess that’s what happens when you spend your entire day with an infant. And I’m really not making this up. I got on the phone with my mom yesterday and for the first 10 minutes I was struggling to come up with complete sentences.

 

When Joe comes home from work at night I feel like I attack him with

1.) Please take the baby and 2.) Please talk to me

 

With this in mind I knew it was time to get myself some social interaction. Preferably with other moms who can understand where I"m coming from and maybe offer some tips on new mom stuff like:

1. Passing off sweatpants as real pants

2. How to reassure your husband that you’ll one day look presentable again

3. Help with mom guilt for things like – putting my baby in the swing so I can pump and shovel in breakfast

 

Unfortunately at Olivia’s one month checkup yesterday the pediatrician said that she can’t accompany me to places like new mom groups yet because she is too little. Other kids and just other people in general put her at risk to get sick (it is still flu season). She also put the kibosh on trips to the grocery store, and pretty much anywhere that isn’t a solo walk in the park.

 

So…

 

I’m a little upset, and I feel a little isolated on planet newborn. But I’ve decided to do a few things that I hope will help. (excuse me while I make another numbered list, this is the easiest way for me to write these days with mushbrain)

 

1. Focus on the positive – I’m learning how to be a mom, I will have this time to really bond with my baby, my baby is healthy (11 pounds!) and she sleeps incredibly well (4 hour stretches at night)!

 

2. Get out of the house even if it is a solo mission – Today I’m joining a small gym near my house. It’s not a deluxe place by any means, but it’s close by and I can get there for a quick workout when Joe comes home a few nights a week. I’m not cleared for exercise yet, but I’m going to walk on the treadmill and stretch. I just need the endorphins.

 

3. Make plans for weekends- I need to get out and see some friends

 

4. Remind myself that happy mom= happy baby.

 

 
ANY TIPS FOR ME on getting through this phase?

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It Gets Better

And we’re still not out of the woods yet.

I still get up for 1am and 4am feedings.

I still sometimes don’t remember the 1am feeding and freak out at the 4am feeding that the baby just slept for a million hours.

 

I’m less afraid of my breast pump. Actually not afraid at all anymore and seeing as the key to my freedom.

 

I was actually able to clean, grocery shop, make dinner and get an eyebrow wax over the course of the past week. Taking advantage of help when you get it, and making getting out of the house a priority has been of the utmost importance.

 

I had my first beer, and my first date night with Joe.

 

Even at home with no additional help, Joe and I have actually eaten dinner together the past couple of nights. I owe that to our newest investment:

 

The Fisher Price Snugabunny Swing

It swings sideways like a cradle and plays sounds, and she just LOVES it. She can’t possibly love it as much as I do. It honestly feels like cheating after weeks of back breaking manual swinging and rocking and walking all around the house. My friend Diana allowed us to try hers first and it worked like a dream- it was great to get to test drive it before shelling out $160. I can’t even tell you how many times someone says "You need (insert baby product here)" and I buy it and Olivia hates it. (Note: the snugabunny vibrating bouncy chair in the next photo is an example of this. Don’t let her comfy face fool you)

 

And also I’ve allowed Olivia to start taking a pacifier now that I’m less nervous about nipple confusion. She uses the MAM newborn.

There’s a lot more that I want to update you on, but Olivia is waking up and duty calls.

 

Till next time!

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