Things other people may not tell you…

About being a new mom.

 

1. You’re going to be petrified. Of hurting your baby, of not knowing what to do when she cries, of not being a good mom, or making the right choices. You’ll google everything and find answers on both sides of every argument. (On demand? Schedule? Bath every night? Bath 2 times a week? Am I playing with her enough? ) You’ll also compare yourself to other moms, and to the mom you THOUGHT you would be.

 

2. Breastfeeding is hard. And painful, and everyone will see your boobs. And talk about your boobs. And your life will pretty much revolve around your boobs. Getting breastfeeding figured out is hard, and scary, and I’m 3 weeks in and I’m still figuring it out. Olivia is eating well and gaining weight- but I know I don’t have it all down pat just yet. I need my Brest friend pillow, and my lanolin cream and a whole slew of other props and cannot at all envision myself being able to go out in public and have to nurse her. Hopefully soon I can wrap my head around it.

3. Your body is in a strange place. I gained a decent amount of weight while pregnant. Okay fine, I gained 40 pounds. Okay, I gained 45. I want to admit that because I’m tired of reading blogs where women only gain 20 pounds and are still freaking about it. I gained 45 pounds. Since coming home from the hospital I lost 23. But I’m still in maternity clothes, I still have a lot to lose, and my body is so….smushy, and wide. I’m not worried about losing the weight right now- but I do plan to join weight watchers when I get the okay from my doctor.

(3 weeks post partum)

4. Life as I know it has changed. And there have been times where I feel like it is over. Sometimes when it’s 3am and I’m alone feeding Olivia in the nursery I stare out the window and wonder if I’ll ever sleep again. And then I get a grip. But trust me, when you’re inside the house for weeks at a time and are a slave to 3 hour feeding windows and 1 hour napping windows, it just doesn’t feel normal. The other day I had finally set Olivia down for a nap and just barely finished making eggs before she cried. I tried to eat some of the egg, got yolk all over myself and burned my throat so badly because I tried to eat the egg before it cooled so I could get to the basinet in time to rescue the baby. It still hurts to swallow.

5. I watch more TV, but appointment television is OVER. I almost cried tears of joy when Joe and I got to watch Modern Family the other night.

 

6. I cry a lot. Happy tears, sad tears, scared tears, hormonal tears…you will cry.

 

7. And I sweat a lot. I have major night sweats (normal after birth as your body rids of extra fluids).

 

8. I’m terrified of my breast pump.

 

9. I’ll never view mothers in the same way again. I cannot believe how hard this is. And now I look at every mom I know that has been through it, and I am so impressed and in awe.

10. I don’t think I’ll ever see my husband the same way again. Seeing Joe as a father is the most incredible thing. I just can’t get enough of the way he rocks her, swaddles her, calms her, and calms me when I am a complete sweaty basket case that thinks I’m not good enough at this, or capable of doing it alone when he is gone.

The love overwhelms it all, and ultimately I am so happy- but I wanted you to know that it’s not all rainbows and butterflies, and it’s not all natural. You will need help, and advice, and you will be scared. But it’s all worth it, and I’m hoping that with each day it gets easier for me.

 

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Olivia’s Birth Story – Part 2

After six or seven frantic calls, Joe finally picked up his phone. I told him that he needed to come back ASAP, it was time to push. Neither of us could believe that it was already time. I could tell from the sound of his voice that he was starting to run. I called the parents to update them and before I knew it Joe was back and things were moving quickly.

 

Even though I had two epidurals, the doctor did such a wonderful job that I could still feel the pressure of the contractions and move my legs. With each contraction I pushed about 3 or 4 times. It was exhausting, but I was so determined. My doctor and the nurses and Joe encouraged me and I tried with all of my might to push. I knew I was so close.

 

After about 30 minutes the doctor told me this was my last push. I couldn’t believe she was already so close to being in my arms.

 

And with that last and final push came the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. My healthy baby girl. The doctor placed her on my chest and Joe and I just looked at each other with all the emotion in the world in our eyes. I know everyone says this, but the love is indescribable. Your heart just grows. I’ve never felt anything like it.

After some time with her, the doctor cleaned her up and I was able to attempt to nurse (no idea what I was doing), but I tried to do what they taught me in my class. After some more family time, our parents were allowed in. They all watched Olivia’s bath and took turns holding her. It was so nice to sit back and watch her.

I always thought that I might miss being pregnant a little bit. That I’d miss the kicks and the big belly and the extra attention. I couldn’t have been more wrong. As I looked into my daughter’s eyes, and I looked at my husband, now a father, I have never felt more complete.

Welcome to the world Olivia Josephine. You are loved more than you will ever know.

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Olivia’s Birth Story- Part 1

Wow, my laptop is awfully dusty. I’ve looked at it since being home, but thinking about actually writing up a post seemed like a gigantic feat. Since being home things have been overwhelming in a whole new way. My life is lived in 3 hour stretches between feedings, and my goals during those 3 hours are usually to eat something, rest, and go to the bathroom. Fortunately I’ve had an incredible amount of help from my mom who is here this week, and Joe has been home as well. We tag team most things- but he is my rock when it comes to doing the hard and scary stuff like changing messy diapers, swaddling, and rocking her to sleep when she won’t stop wailing. I feel terrible when she cries but he encourages me to get through it.

Now, before I forget everything (because things are already getting hazy), here is Olivia’s birth story.

 

On Superbowl Sunday, the eve of my induction, Joe and I headed to the hospital at 3:30pm and I was admitted to triage for a cervical gel treatment. The gel was supposed to help soften my cervix to prepare me for the induction the following day. Both the doctor and nurse told me that the gel is not enough to put me into labor, but that it would get things going. (hopefully).

Prior to receiving the gel, the nurse checked me and noted that I was still not even slightly dilated. She then applied the gel, hooked me up to monitors to check for contractions and watch the baby’s heartbeat, and Joe and I relaxed for about an hour and a half until they sent us home.

 

On the way home we picked up some sandwiches and wings and went home to watch the game and visit with Joe’s parents who were already in town from Pittsburgh. At around 11, I headed up to bed. For the last time, I dragged my slow, 41 week pregnant self upstairs, and crawled into bed with my snoogle pillow (best pregnancy investment ever). I couldn’t believe tomorrow I was going to meet my baby.

At 3am I awoke out of a sound sleep with some cramping. Considering the greasy dinner we had, and the fact that I had to run to the bathroom, I figured these were stomach cramps, not labor related. I had gotten excited too many times about these kind of cramps only to have them disappear after a few trips to the bathroom. 

 

Around 3:30, the cramps were getting really bad, so I woke up Joe. I debated whether to call the doctor just yet, considering that I could not get off the toilet. My body kept sending me mixed signals (labor?) (stomach ache?) and I was confused. I started tracking the cramps and noticed they were coming about 2 minutes apart. The pattern convinced me it was time to call, and I was scared at how close the cramps (or contractions) were coming. I though that they started far apart and got closer and closer? Where was my break in between?

 

The doctor told me that if I could, I should wait 1 hour or until I couldn’t walk or talk through the pain. I said okay, hung up the phone and had a contraction that I could definitely not talk through. I had to hold on to the wall to help bear down on the pain. I yelled to Joe (who was downstairs making me something to eat before we headed to the hospital) that we had to go, NOW. Joe packed the car and we were off. I grabbed onto the handle on the car ceiling for dear life as I tried to breathe through the pain.  I kept my eyes closed almost the whole time we were on our way. The pain was excruciating and I felt like the contractions were so close that I never had a chance to recover. Finally I opened my eyes and saw the hospital approaching.

 

Soon after arriving at the emergency room I was taken to the delivery floor. I got checked in and a resident came in to check my progress. As she began the pelvic exam, my water broke. (The look on her face was classic..she was obviously new at this). Even with my broken water though, the nurse confirmed that I was only 2cm dilated. At this point the she asked if I wanted an epidural and I was so relieved that they could give it to me at this point. I watched the door like a hawk waiting for the anesthesiologist to come in.

 

What felt like an eternity was about 30 minutes, but eventually the epidural was administered. It felt great at first, but then I noticed that only my right side was numb. I was still feeling the contractions on my left side, and since they had me laying on my left hip, I thought I was going to die. The nurse upped the medicine, and a new anesthesiologist came in to see if he could fix the drip. They tried a few things but nothing worked, so the doctor had to re-do the epidural. Fifteen minutes later…

 

Finally. Relief.

 

I watched the sun come up through the blinds and watched the panic slowly melt off of Joe’s face as I relaxed. The nurse turned down the lights and told me that now I could rest and that the doctor would check me in a little bit. Joe decided now would be a good time to go get our bags from the car and call our parents with an update.

 

About 5 minutes after Joe left, the doctor came to check me. At this point we had been at the hospital for about 4 hours or so. A few seconds into the pelvic exam my doctor looked at the nurse and the nurse said, "she’s ready, isn’t she?" and the doctor nodded yes.

It was time to push.

 

I frantically got my phone and called Joe. I called and called and called, but each call went to voicemail….

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She’s Here

Our beautiful daughter Olivia Josephine arrived this morning at 9:33am. A healthy girl just shy of 9lbs! We are all doing well, looking forward to sharing her birth story with you soon.
Thanks for following my pregnancy journey and here is to new beginnings!

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40 week (and 6 day) Pregnancy Update

When all is said and done, it really doesn’t seem like that long ago that I made the announcement that I was pregnant and now here I am writing my final pregnancy update.

 

While there were certainly times where I felt like I’d been pregnant forever, most of the journey flew by. Lately I feel like time just slips between my fingers and my biggest goal is to live each day and cherish every moment. When I talk to new moms and mom blogs, what they say most often is how fast the time goes. It actually scares me a bit, but I hope that I can use this knowledge to my advantage in trying to enjoy each moment.

 

I guess that’s why I’ve said many times that I am not in a hurry to rush my baby to come out. I wanted to savor these last few days as a mom-to-be and as a family of two. There is no going back, so why not enjoy what is left of this time?

 

Then Thursday hit. All of a sudden I started to feel anxious about meeting my little girl, and I really wanted her to come on her own versus being induced. I started getting a little upset when a friend who was due after I was had her baby yesterday. I started having contractions last night that were more powerful and regular than usual, and then…they stopped. So as it stands right now, I just don’t see her coming naturally.

 

How I’m feeling physically

I feel pretty good actually. Considering that I’m home a lot and resting, my body is not in nearly as much pain as it was during my last week at work. And I know I’m bigger and more swollen now, but I still feel better. I’m a nesting freak and feel that I want to clean and organize everything. Even with increased activity and more walking,  I still feel more energetic and less achy. I’ve been thinking a lot about my body too. Even though it looks so different now, I’ve gotten used to it and I can’t really imagine going back to being bump-free (or having a much smaller bump). I’m curious and scared as to what my body will look like after I give birth. I pray that I can be kind and accepting of whatever state my body is in. I can’t even begin to describe how grateful and amazed I am at what it has been able to accomplish on its own. I will focus on continuing to love my body through the next stages it is about to go through.

 

A few more notes on my current mental state

Mentally I feel okay, I’m just a bit cranky and very anti-social. My phone rings a lot and I really don’t ever feel like picking it up. Everyone wants news, but I don’t have any and it upsets me when I have to repeat that over and over. Yesterday I told Joe that I feel like a chicken that is about to lay a golden egg or something.  I know everyone is excited and showing love and care through reaching out. I’m just in a weird place though, it is nothing personal.

 

What I’ve been eating

I’m still completely obsessed with goat cheese and eat it every day either on toast or in a salad. Today I had it on an arugula salad alongside a leftover turkey burger.

Also still into grapefruit. It is so darn good.

And another favorite are Haribo raspberry candies

Week 40 bump

I guess that’s about it…not much else to report! Just going to enjoy this weekend and wait to see what happens. I can’t believe this is my last Friday ever not being a mom. Wow. Better go live it up! Before I know it I’ll be rocking mom jeans and driving a minivan.

 

Previous pregnancy updates HERE.

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