The other day Joe was scrolling through my blog as I was sitting on the couch. He came across a picture I posted and said, “Wow you look really good in this picture”. Instead of saying thank you, my first thought went to…”I must look terrible, now”.
In no way, shape, or form did Joe ever reference my current body, he was just giving me a simple compliment.
At that moment I realized…I’m jealous of myself. In the picture Joe was referencing I was at the healthiest weight I had been at in years. I was doing things a healthy way too (eating right and running a lot), so I should be proud of who is looking back at me in the picture. Instead, I kind of hated her.
This has also happened to me with pictures of my heavier self. I recently came across a picture of myself in college at a really high weight. Probably my highest weight to-date. I instantly looked at it and was disgusted. I didn’t want to acknowledge that it was me.
After thinking about both instances I knew that I needed to reflect. Ultimately all of those pictures are of the same person. The only thing that changed from the thin picture to the fat picture was the number on the scale. At either point in time I was the same person with the same warm heart, the same sense of humor, and the same wonderful life.
I always thought that at some point I would find that happy place with health and diet and leave all of my insecurities behind. While I know I’ve made progress, I am starting to realize that until I can accept myself for who I am and not what I look like, that I will never find release from the emotions attached to my physical appearance.
I think that being pregnant has really challenged me to love myself no matter what I look like on the outside. While I am certainly trying to be a healthy pregnant lady, there is no doubt that my body is changing and that I am getting a lot bigger on the outside. But on the inside, my body is performing miracles. At times when I’ve been upset about my lack of self control or the fact that my weight gain that is higher than the charts say it should be, I just stop and ask myself what the heck am I doing?!
Do I want my daughter to ever sense that her arrival made me stressed and upset? Would I want my own daughter to feel the same way about her body that I do about mine?
How to you feel about seeing yourself at a lighter or heavier weight?
Do you accept who you are at any point?
What have you done to increase your level of self acceptance?
I’m at the highest weight of my life, including when my children were born. I wouldn’t say I hate myself, but I’m sure as shizz not happy with myself right now! I refuse to go on crazy diets, so my weight loss is slow, but I figure if I move more and eat a little less, the weight is bound to come off at some point
Just remember that you still deserve love and appreciation and all good things because you are an amazing person! It doesn’t matter what the scale says, it’s what’s inside that counts!
I defiantly feel the same way. When I see pictures of when I was 30lbs lighter, I hate her. But you are right. She is the same person, and Im still a pretty awesome person.haha So I shouldnt hate!
You are an amazing person!!
This post really hits home with me. I constantly look at pictures of when I was both smaller and bigger and get jealous or hateful of myself. I love your realization that we are the same person, all the time, with the same amazing life.
Hey Jess! I’m really glad this hit home with you. I think its so important to constantly remind ourselves how important it is to value what is inside, and not only outside. So simple, yet so easy to forget!
Gosh, I’ve been jealous of my thinner self for a long time now. I also had to think about wanting to raise my future children to be confident and happy in their own bodies. Well, how I am going to raise them to be that way if I dislike myself? It made me start thinking differently. You are beautiful!
I honestly hate looking at old pictures of me. When I was heavier and unhappy. I also hate looking at pictures of me when I was underweight. I’m not sure how I feel about looking at them but I choose not to look at those.
I’m finally realizing that!
I definitely compare myself to my own body more often than to other women. I always try to remind myself of what my life was REALLY like (mentally, emotionally, etc) when thinking of those bodies.
I definitely think it’s a challenge to look back at old pictures because of the all the hard work one puts in to get those results. I sometimes look at my bulging tummy and think, where did my old stomach go? lol I’m not gonna say it’s easy, bc it isn’t, but I do remind myself that all of these changes are worth it no matter what. I often find myself wondering what my stomach will like afterwards; I often compare my future self to my friends who’ve had children and wonder which one’s I will be most like post baby. Then I realize I can’t do that to myself and that EVERYONE’S body is different, so there is no point in stressing about it now.
I think it’s natural for us to feel this way when our bodies are undergoing so many changes, but I completely agree with you, we can’t let it affect us bc it will affect our little blessings!
You look beautiful pregnant!! Your body IS performing miracles! In both photos, your gorgeous face is what I notice first.
Thanks sweetie! Coming from someone with the most gorgeous face EVER, I really appreciate your sweet comments!